Watch Your Words
by Lindsay Schlegel
Words. Text. Language. Quotes. These are how I process the world. These are how I relate to the Lord, others, and in certain ways, even myself.
For me, what seems small—a word, a phrase, a text message, a note on a Post-It—can have a really big impact. A compliment goes a long way. I appreciate it when my kids write me a card or my husband praises the food I’ve made. Likewise, harsh words and angry tones really dig in. I have a hard time letting those go.
Not every member of my family shares my connection with language, but because it’s important to me—and because it’s the way I most naturally share my feelings—I am trying to make a conscious daily effort to be thoughtful about the words I use and how I use them.
Among other things, that means not complaining about my kids to others, especially when they are in earshot. (Sharing information about a tough spot in the day with my husband when he comes home is a different story, when done correctly.)
It also means not only telling my kids that I love them and that I’m proud of who they are, but also that I love being their mom, even when I lose my patience. I want them to know—in word and action—that I genuinely enjoy being with them. I don’t want them to have any bit of an impression that they are a burden or an annoyance to me. When they hear my voice in their heads, I want it to be saying something encouraging and loving.
A number of years ago, I printed and framed a poster of a quote my husband and I heard at his sister’s high school graduation. It’s attributed to Lao Tzu, and it says this:
“Watch your thoughts, they become your words;
watch your words, they become your actions;
watch your actions, they become your habits;
watch your habits, they become your character;
watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”
I was surprised to find that my second son, just a short time after he’d learned to read, had memorized this quote. It was hung in a fairly high-traffic area of our home, and just by its being there, it had made an impression on him. It was a small thing. But it made a big difference.
We kept this poster up when we moved two years ago, and it continues to challenge me. This ancient wisdom supports the idea that even the side comments we make in the course of the day have an impact on us and those around us. Each word we say matters, and so we ought to choose them carefully. (Check out an episode of my podcast, Quote Me, that discusses this quote. I’ve also referenced it at Verily and CatholicMom.com—proof of how much it means to me.)
Choosing each word with love isn’t something that happens in an instant. For someone like me who talks a lot (arguably too much at times), it means slowing down, taking a breath before reacting, and thinking before I speak.
I’m still working on it, and perhaps I always will be. My hope is that being more intentional about how I speak to my family will give both my husband and my children a clear understanding of how deeply I care for them, of how I desire for there to be peace in our home, and of how grateful I am for my vocation to love these people in particular.
If you love words too, I’d love to connect with you on Instagram or Facebook. You can also learn more about me and send me a note at my website, LindsaySchlegel.com.
