How many times have you had a bad day and had someone tell you to “think positive” or “look on the bright side”? And how annoyed has that made you? While I’m sure that person was trying to help you change your perspective and feel better, maybe it wasn’t the right time to suggest it, or even felt dismissive to your feelings.
I’ve had my fair share of bad days. Or days where I just want to be alone in my sad/angry thoughts and not talk to anyone. Everyone has a bad day or a difficult season of life. And sometimes it’s ok (even necessary) to feel those angry/sad feelings without forcing yourself to cast them aside and try to make yourself feel better.
But if you choose to stay in those feelings day after day, does it really help or does it harm you? At some point, if you don’t change your mindset, you’ll get stuck in a depressive loop and keep feeling worse. Sometimes feeling better might require professional help, such as therapy or medication. Other times, it might just need to be a change to how we view things/the world around us.
There has been so much pain and conflict in the world with recently. It’s scary and causes so much anxiety, anger, and despair to so many people. But it’s also important to remember that there is still good in the world too. There are plenty of kind acts that are happening right now as I type.
My Story of Kindness
I have had a fear of leaving the house with all the kids for a while. It’s difficult enough to get them all in the car, buckled, and ready to go somewhere (while pregnant might I add). But it is also really difficult to manage all 4 kids out in public. Most of the time, if I don’t have any help, I’ll choose to stay at home and entertain them where I am comfortable. Less work for me and less stress for all of us.
However, staying in the house all the time makes it hard for me to meet other people and does no favors for my depressed/introverted self. My therapist has been working with me to find ways to make it easier to leave the house with all the kids so I have more freedom. A few weeks ago I had to run out for an errand with all the kids. I was feeling particularly bold that day and decided that before going back home, I would take the kids to a thrift store to pick out presents for my husband’s birthday/graduation/Father’s Day.
I chose the thrift store because it is 1. Keeping within our budget so each kid can pick out their own gifts for dad and 2. Has wide aisles making it easy to maneuver a double stroller and make sure the older two don’t touch anything breakable. The one thing I didn’t plan for is the fact that it did not have automatic doors. Not a huge issue- I’ve dealt with this before. I’m used to opening doors to pull the stroller through and keep the door open long enough to slip inside before it closes. When we walked in the store the cashier immediately noticed us, and offered some help. I told her thank you, but I was ok with the double stroller and the older ones could carry the smaller handheld baskets.
We had a successful trip. Each kid was able to find a present for dad, and we even managed a bathroom run in the middle of our shopping. It was only as I gathered everyone together to start heading to the cashier to pay that I realized in the chaos of getting everyone out of the car and into the stroller, I had left my purse with my wallet in the car and therefore had no way to pay for all the presents we just picked out.
I walked up to the cashier with the kids and explained that I left my wallet by mistake and asked if we could keep our baskets up at the counter while we went out to the car to grab it. She said yes, and even let some of the kids stay in the store with her while I ran out to grab my purse quick. After talking with her she told me that she also had 5 kids (1 boy, 3 girls, and another boy, just like us!) and that she knows how difficult it can be. While we were talking, my oldest managed to cut his finger and started bleeding. Of course, I had no band-aids on me, and just had to do my best to console him. The lady behind us (who had already been really patiently waiting while I had gone out to the car to grab my wallet) found a band-aid in her purse and gave it to Gabriel while the cashier gave stickers to all the kids.
I left the store from what should have been a stressful situation to feeling thankful and happy for the kindness that was shown to my family.
I am still really nervous to leave the house with all the kids, but I have found that God puts people in my life when I need them. If I am in a situation where I need help (like, taking all 4 kids shopping by myself) I usually have someone approach me asking if I need some help.
Choosing to see the good
Now I have had my fair share of outings that did not go as smoothly as the thrift store run, or experiences with other people that have left me not feeling great. But do I let those few negative experiences keep me from hoping for the best in others? I try not to. If I spend my days trying to find the good in others, most likely I am going to find it. But if I spend them always on the lookout for something negative to happen, then I’m more likely to find the bad in others. Which is not only doing a disservice to your mental health, but also to all the people you are interacting with.
We are called to find God in every person; easier said than done of course! But now more than ever is a great time to practice this technique. Look for the good and you will find it. Spread kindness. It probably won’t solve all of your problems, but it will definitely help you to feel a little better.
I don’t know if that cashier realized how much better she made my day by offering to help. She didn’t know my background/personal history, or that I’m usually terrified to go out with all the kids. But she chose to be kind, and what an impact that had!
You never know what someone is going through, or how your interactions with them (whether in person or online) is going to affect them. Let’s challenge ourselves to find the good in others and treat them the way Jesus would. And I’m sure that when we do, we’ll all start to feel a little less stress and a little more hope.
