Grief during Lent
Lent is about 1 week away. And to be honest, I have kind of been putting off making plans for it. Partly because things here have been overwhelmingly busy. Partly because I know that Lent begins the countdown to Easter. And I’m not ready. I’ve been dreading it this year.
Easter is actually on my birthday this year. I have been waiting for this to happen. And when I looked at the calendar and realized it was on my birthday, I was excited. Finally! And maybe this year, I’ll also get to share my birthday with the baby. Jesse was due on April 21st. I went early with Shiloh. It could have happened.
But now instead of a Resurrection and celebration of life, I am reminded of death. To add to all the emotional pain, my daughter, Theresa, is scheduled for her second surgery to correct a medical problem she was born with the Friday after Easter.
Those who have been following my blog may remember me talking about her surgery when she was 6 months old. Unfortunately, she still has some problems and need a second surgery to (hopefully) correct this problem once and for all. But it means traveling to a hospital 2 hours away, and spending at least 1 night in the hospital. I’m not ready to go through that again.
But it’s coming up. Jesse’s due date is coming up. The countdown will begin. Grief is slowly resurfacing with each passing day as we get closer to both dates.
I wonder if this is how Mary felt, the first Lent she experienced? Knowing the countdown had begun to when her Son would die. And there was nothing she could do but survive each day.
Skip the sacrifice, start adding to your life
Lent is a time when a lot of Catholics try to make a sacrifice. Maybe giving up sweets, cream in your coffee, or hot showers. It is a time to fast, to put yourself in the desert with Jesus and draw closer to God.
But what if you are starting off in the desert?
God wants you to meet Him where you are at in life. Maybe this Lent isn’t the time for you to make the extra sacrifice that will only make you more stressed.
Maybe you don’t need another “loss” right now. Maybe you need to focus on adding joy back to your life.
God wants us to be happy. He died on the cross so that we will have a chance at that happiness. I’m not saying to go crazy trying to find happiness. This is still Lent, after all. What I mean is instead of focusing on sacrifices, focus on extra things you can add to your daily routine to grow closer to God. Add prayer to your life. Maybe say a Rosary every day (or if that’s too big, try a decade a day).
Growing up, my dad would tell us that we didn’t always have to sacrifice something for Lent. The point was to work on becoming a better person. He told us the story of how his father gave up smoking for Lent each year, until one year when he realized that if he could give it up for 40 days, he could give it up for life.
Lent isn’t meant to be just a period of time that you count down the days until you can have sugar again or whatever it is you gave up. It’s supposed to be a step in your journey to grow closer to Christ and reach the ultimate goal of sainthood.
It doesn’t have to be this big overwhelming project either, though. Years past, I would plan out fasts, get a devotional, and make sacrifices. But that’s not where I am right now in my life.
For some people, sacrificing something of importance to them is helping them reach the goal of sainthood. But for others, it’s not the right choice. And that’s ok.
This Lent, I am going back to Mother Teresa’s quote for inspiration.
Do small things with great love.
Mother Teresa
I am keeping things simple and focusing on small acts that will help me grow in my faith.
Depression makes it more than easy to find all the negatives in life.
Taking that into consideration, my addition to my life this Lent will be to write down one positive thing each day.
It may not sound like much, but if I can help my brain see more positives in my life, then maybe I can start to help myself heal while growing in my faith.
Day by day, I hope to slowly incorporate joy into my life this Lent so that I can more easily find it for Easter. The grief will always be there. But if I train my heart and soul to be open to joy, even if it’s just in the little things each day, it will help me feel more joy beside the sorrow.
I will be more mindful of my thoughts each day and also to my prayer life. I hope that these actions will help me grow closer to God these next few weeks.
What are you doing for Lent this year? Are you making a sacrifice, or are you adding back to your life? Share below!
