As a mom of three young kids, I often get asked, “which was an easier transition for you, going from one to two kids or two to three kids?” I normally have to pause and think about it for a minute, but ultimately I end up saying the transition going from one to two kids was tougher for me personally. That does not mean that I am having an easy time raising three kids every day (three kids currently under three I might add), but just at that point in my life, I was pretty stressed out.
Isn’t it funny though, how I get asked about the transition from one to two kids, or two to three kids, but no one thinks to ask me about the transition from zero to one kid? Probably because in their minds, they think that after having three kids, I would think that one would be easy. And for the most part, they would be right; there have definitely been some moments when I am trying to get all the kids ready to get out the door where I think, this would be so much easier with just one! But at the time when I only had one baby, it seemed challenging to me.
One of the things I have learned is that everyone is different, and adjusts to change in their own way. For some people, having one child to take care of is very challenging, while others can handle several with no problem. Not only does it depend on the person, but also the circumstances that person finds themselves in. I was not in as good of a place in my life at the time that I went from having one kid to two kids as I am now.
 |
|
This was our baby announcement to our parents when we found out I was pregnant again (it’s a bun in the oven)
|
My son was about four months old when I found out I was pregnant with my second baby. We were not expecting to be blessed with another baby so soon, and to be honest, I was not really happy about the pregnancy at first. I felt bad for my son, who would only be a little over a year old when this baby would be born. I had wanted more time with just him. I also felt bad for the baby I was pregnant with, because each and every life deserves to be celebrated with joy, and at that time I just couldn’t find it within myself to get excited and felt guilty that I was not happy about it. Of course when asked, I said that my husband and I were surprised but excited to be adding another person to our family. But in reality, it really took some time for me to accept this change in our lives and see what a blessing God had given us.
Shortly after I got my pregnancy confirmed at the doctor, my son, dog, and I moved across the country to live with my parents in Virginia while my husband completed Ranger school. The end of his training kept getting delayed, so by the time he came back, I was already about one and a half months away from my due date. We moved back home, and about a month later, my daughter was born.
Part of why this transition was so hard for me is because when I say that we moved back home, I mean that we moved back to Iowa, the state where my husband’s national guard unit is located. I had only lived there for a few months right after we were married until we moved to Georgia (this is where our son was born) so my husband could attend his Infantry Basic Officer Leader Course (IBOLC). Then we were back in Iowa for another few months (this is when I found out I was pregnant with our second child) before I moved in with my parents. Other than working part time in the church nursery, I never really established a community of friends in Iowa before we moved.
Fast forward to when my daughter was born, and I found myself a new mom of two young kids, without a real big support system locally, and I was struggling. My husband and I were still adjusting to being back in Iowa, living together and parenting together. Unfortunately because his military training was so long, he missed a lot of our son’s first year, so in a way, this was his first time experiencing raising a new baby. He was also still making an adjustment back into regular life and we were both learning how to fit the other person’s schedule and needs into our own.
There were so many changes happening at once in my life and I was overwhelmed. I was emotional, lonely, sleep deprived, and overweight after having two babies in two years. I loved being a mom and loved my kids so much but I also was not happy. A supportive community is so important to have in your life, and I did not have one close to me. Again, it took some time to adjust to the changes my life presented me with, but eventually I gained the community that I longed for. I lost the baby weight, got a part time job that I loved, and my husband and I joined a gym together that has become a big part of our community of friends here. My part time job was with a Catholic preschool and it was because of one of my friends there that I signed up for a retreat and developed my Catholic community.
 |
| Our Christmas card picture with our two children and dog. This is when I was working. |
My third child resulted in more changes in my life, including giving up my job in order to stay at home with my kids, and while this change was difficult, I had a supportive community around me that made dealing with these changes so much easier. My husband was able to get a little time off of work to help with the initial transition home, and my friends had started a meal train to help us out for a few weeks during the adjustment. I still have my fair share of difficult days and we don’t get out of the house much (it gets pretty cold in Iowa in the winter), but with a support system, everything seems smoother this time around.
It is important to know yourself and understand how you respond to change. I know that it takes me a little bit longer than others to adjust to new situations. I am a planner and rely on routine, and when this routine is disrupted it affects me and takes me a little longer to accept the change. One of the reasons why I think this time around was easier for me as well is because I am more willing to accept that God has a plan for me that may not be on my timeline, and I need to trust Him and just know that everything will be okay. God puts people in our lives when we need them, but we also need to do our part. We can pray all the time for friends, but if we never leave our house, we aren’t going to make any.
Looking back on that time in my life, I can see how God gave us such a blessing. I love seeing my older two kids play together, and they’re starting to notice their baby sister and interact with her too. Change can be hard on anyone, and it is okay to take some time to process it. However, we should use the opportunity it presents to us as a way to build character and improve ourselves and our circumstances. Once we begin to do this, we will not only find ourselves happier, but also stronger and more prepared to deal with changes in the future.
~Michelle
 |
| All three of our babies (minus the fur-baby). |
