Hi everyone, happy Lent! It is hard to believe that it’s already Lent again. I feel like Lent last year kind of got thrown off by Covid-19. And while that was all happening, I also got thrown for another loop by finding out I was pregnant. Again. I had a plan for Lent. I was going to fast. I was looking forward to growing. And I did in some ways, and I was definitely presented with challenges. One of them I struggled all throughout my pregnancy was trusting in God’s plan.
A year later, and we are still living in the pandemic. I am a mom of 4 babies now instead of just 3. And I have come to see what God was envisioning for my family when he blessed us with Shiloh. But it all takes time.
This Lent, I have been creating goals in my mind that I want to accomplish. But the idea of time also keeps popping up. Lent is a spiritual journey for us with the ultimate purpose of bringing us closer to God. By fasting, we are growing closer to Jesus and joining Him in the desert. We need to pray every day just as He did to God. And turn down the temptations to give into our struggles, whatever they may be.
As a mom, my whole schedule revolves around time. What time do the kids wake up? What time do I have to get out of bed to be able to shower and get things ready? What time do I want to leave the house to get to preschool? What time do I need to be walking out the door? What time do I start making lunches? Is it nap time yet? What activities am I going to do to fill the afternoon with until dinner time? Is it time for bed yet? It is getting late, I should go to bed. How long will it take me to do the dishes before bed?
I think you get the point. I would be lost without time. But in all this hectic hour by hour and minute by minute planning, I find myself overwhelmed and exhausted. I have so little time to myself, and when I do it is all scheduled. Nap time is when I get my workout in during the week. Occasionally I will have meetings during nap time as well. When the older kids go to bed I come downstairs to get Shiloh ready for bed and then eat dinner. At this point I am just so exhausted. I want to read, but I find myself unable to focus and move and usually end up watching a show.
I keep glancing at the clock until it is late and that voice inside my head tells myself that I need to start my bedtime routine if I want to get to bed on time. I’m exhausted just thinking about it.
What I have realized is that I still have a problem of letting go of control. I want to be in charge of my day. I don’t like going into the day without a plan or a routine. Then everything becomes chaos and noisy.
But what if, instead of trying to control every single second of the day and worrying about the schedules, I instead pray? I offer up my need to control everything to God and ask for trust. Easier said than done. But it is something I am going to work on this Lent. And it took me just now actually sitting down and journaling from my heart to figure it out.
I am also doing two devotionals, one is “Remember your Death, Memento Mori” by Theresa Aletheia Noble. The other one is “No Unlikely Saints” from Brick House in the City. I will also be participating in the Hail 40 Program that I did last year through Onehailmaryatatime, with intermittent fasting (I can actually do the whole thing this year!), and an increase in prayer time and mindfulness of God.
Ultimately, my goal for Lent is to grow in a deeper relationship with God. I also want to find age appropriate ways to involve my kids in learning more about Jesus and Lent. (Please comment below if you have suggestions!).
This post went a little differently than I had thought, but it all came from just writing from my heart. And I didn’t actually plan out the details of this post…it all just flowed. Maybe God is letting me know I made the right goal this Lent!
What are your goals this Lenten season? Have you taken time to write them down and reflect on them? Share them below!
