The one where we talk about friends

Last week was a week over here! It started out with the Monday-est of Mondays. Everyone woke up cranky and tired, our AC stopped working, we discovered some weird electrical problem in the basement, and I don’t even remember what else. It was just a bad day. Tuesday the AC still wasn’t working, (we weren’t sure if it was a problem with the thermostat and were trying different problem solving modes for that before contacting a technician) so we scheduled a technician to come out. Elijah was sick after catching a bug that Rebecca brought home and was sick with over the weekend. The poor little guy was miserable, and to make things worse, stuck in a warm house. I was worried we’d have to bring him in if he didn’t calm down, but luckily he took a long nap and felt a lot better afterwards. He even was smiling at us despite having a low grade fever. Naps work wonders.

Tuesday night I was able to escape for a bit to a rosary session for a friend that’s sick, and afterwards stay for a faith formation meeting. It was great not only to get out of a warm house, but also see my friends from that group again. I haven’t been able to go to Tuesday night meetings for years due to schedule conflicts.

Wednesday morning Christian gets a call that several technicians are out so our house got bumped off the list until Thursday. Shiloh also was crankier than usual and caught the bug going around. But I made it out to an event at the local USO and met some other military spouses. It was a nice evening socializing and meeting new people.

Thursday our AC got fixed; the house feels so much better! Elijah was having a hard time napping the past few days because he was just getting too hot. Once the AC was fixed he was finally able to take a longer nap. I thought things were looking up for us but then got a call from Gabriel’s school that he got sick at lunch and needed to get picked up. He was so sad he had to leave school! At least we got a nice long weekend to recover. Friday the electrician came to fix the problem we found in the basement. It felt so great to have an uneventful holiday weekend!

Friends

Is anyone else here a fan of the show, Friends? It’s become one of my favorite shows that I’ve re-watched so many times. I have fond memories of staying up with my brother and sister to watch an episode together. I was always in awe of the friendships the 6 main characters had with one another. And if I’m being honest, a little jealous too.

All 6 of them were in their 20s living in New York City on their own figuring out their lives. And while they were figuring it out, (or having stressful weeks like the one I just had) they had each other to lean on. As I’ve gotten older, moved away from home and become a mom, it’s gotten more difficult for me to form close friendships like that. Being a mom to so many littles leads to me being more restricted to the house and can be more isolating. I don’t get out of the house much to even have the opportunity to interact with people, or when I do most of my attention is towards my kids. Now that the older two are in school I’m around more people and get more opportunities to form connections. However as an introvert, I also find it pretty difficult to put myself out there and socialize with people I don’t know.

Last week I got to go back to one of my faith formation groups I was a part of a few weeks ago, and it was great to see everyone again. I also had another social event on Wednesday which gave me an opportunity to meet some new people. I had a good time, but this is not a typical week for me. Normally I’m not able to get together with friends like this; to be honest, I don’t have a lot of local friends here I can call to just get together, vent to, or hang out with just because. I haven’t had too many opportunities to meet people, or when the opportunities are there, it feels like everyone else already knows each other and have social circles formed or just aren’t interested in forming friendships.

My sister and I were just talking about how hard it is to meet people now. With the school year starting up, it seems to be a common theme that has been popping up on my newsfeed or in conversations.

Call on your friends

It’s so hard to be raising kids with no one to talk to. All my good friends growing up are across the country, as well as my family. And while I have been slowly making more friendships here, it still has been lonely at times.

So I wanted to write this post as a reminder that friendships can be formed with those around you, as well as with those heavenly souls looking out for you. That’s right, I’m talking about forming friendships with the saints.

I can’t remember which Catholic store on Instagram created the classic “Friends” picture on the couch in Central Perk with saints, but that was my inspiration for this blog post. Over the past few years, I have heard lots of stories on Instagram or podcasts about saints “stalking” someone, or pursuing a friendship. I definitely don’t have any super saint stalker stories (there’s some fun alliteration for you), but I do have some friendships with saints, and a few that I would consider to be in my regular social/inspiration circle.

St. Therese of Lisieux

St. Therese of Lisieux has been in my life for a long time. She was my mom’s confirmation saint and later became mine. We had a statue of her in our room growing up, and one of my daughters is named after her. I admire her holiness and her “little way.” She also inspired Mother Teresa (who inspired the name of this blog…coincidence?). I have done the novena to her before her feast day a few times, but was disappointed that I never got a “rose” in response.

Last year though, I found out that I miscarried Jesse. My father-in-law arranged the burial service for Jesse at Our Lady of Guadeloupe Shrine, and the date that was set was October 1, the feast day of St. Therese. While it was not a happy day for us, it was consoling to know that I had gotten my rose from her, the gift that my baby could be buried in a beautiful shrine on her feast day. I would like to think that was also a sign that Jesse is with her and all the saints in heaven watching over us.

St. Anthony

I feel like St. Anthony would get the ‘most popular’ award because of his association with helping us find lost things. I remember getting taught the famous poem, “Tony, Tony, come around, something’s lost that must be found, the item that I seek to find is __________.” I have prayed it so many times (and have been told by my mom to pray it anytime I lose something).

St. Anthony has really come through for me! I have 2 stories to share where he really helped me when I needed it. The first one was last summer. The kids and I were visiting my parents for a month. Christian was finishing up his captains course in Georgia and was planning to meet us at my parents’ house for a few days for Shiloh’s baptism before starting another military training. We hadn’t seen him since January.

During that time, I had started running again and working on building up my endurance. A few days before Christian came to my parent’s house, I had gotten the kids down for naps/quiet time, and was getting ready for my run. I normally keep my wedding ring on during my runs (but I’ll take it off when weightlifting) since my fingers expand due to the heat from exercising. But that day I glance down at my finger and questioned if I should leave it at home, but ultimately decided that it would be fine and kept it on.

I went for my run, and other than having a cicada fly in my face as I was heading out, it went well. I made it 3 miles, came home, did a weighted workout, and took a shower. But it was only when I came out of the shower that I realized my wedding ring was off. I looked in the shower and around the bathroom. Nothing. I stayed calm figuring that I must have taken it off before my workout with weights and go downstairs to look for it. Still nothing. I asked my sister and mom if they had seen it anywhere. No one can find it in the house. I started to panic. I asked my mom if she can watch the kids so I can go walk my run route and look for it.

I probably looked like a crazy person walking slowly staring at the ground for 3 miles. I even got asked a few times what I was looking for so I at least had extra eyes looking for it. I ended up coming back empty handed, with a ton of steps under my belt. My parents went for a walk later to look for it, but no luck still. I had prayed asking for St. Anthony’s help and prayed several Hail Mary’s during my walk. I hadn’t given up hope yet and figured that maybe it was somewhere in the house, or it possibly fell down the drain during my shower.

But each day that passed by with no ring and I slowly lost hope and if I’m completely honest got a little angry that St. Anthony wasn’t helping me this time. I mean this was my wedding ring- it was a big deal! My husband’s grandmother had given him the diamond from one of her rings that her husband had given her, so it was very sentimental. And now I had lost it. It also made me super nervous to see my husband again and bear the bad news. This was supposed to be a happy reunion, and now I was almost dreading it. Why did I have to lose the ring now? I haven’t seen him in 6.5 months. And now when I do I have to tell him that I lost my wedding ring.

The day had finally come- my husband was coming into town that same day! I was so excited. I still hadn’t found my ring, but decided not to tell him just yet and give it a little more time. My husband got into town in the evening after the kids were in bed, so he and I got some time to catch up (thankfully he didn’t notice my empty ring finger). The next morning we got up early and snuck downstairs before the kids got up. We hadn’t told them that Christian was visiting so they were pleasantly surprised to see him when they woke up the next morning. I spent the morning watching happily as the kids played with their dad while I tried to come up with a way to tell him what I had done, all the while answering concerned whispers from my family asking me if I had told him yet. Around lunch time I decided to try one more time to look outside in the front yard before accepting that the ring was really gone. My sister had come outside with me and as I was venting to her about not wanting to tell him, she pointed down at the ground and said, “Michelle is this it?!”

I rush over and look at the sidewalk. There sitting in plain site was my wedding ring! I shouted with joy and gave my sister a hug and thanked her. I have no idea how it ended up there unnoticed after everyone had been out looking (my parents just had their yard mowed so maybe it got moved around from that) but I was so relieved. I assumed that it must have flown off my finger when the bug had buzzed by my face and I swatted it away. Looking back at the moment when I considered leaving my ring at home before my run, I think that may have been my guardian angel trying to communicate with me. I’m definitely sorry I ignored him! But I’m so grateful it was found (and yes, I did end up telling my husband what happened later that night) and now I make sure to take off my ring before my runs. St. Anthony came through for me again!

The other more recent story of St. Anthony helping us out was from this past spring. Rebecca loves Minnie Mouse and has so many stuffed animals of her. However there is one in particular she always has to have with her. She carries her around with her everywhere, and because of that she always misplaces her. It usually becomes a problem around bedtime/naptime when she wants her to sleep with but can’t find her. So we look around the house for her and talk about how we need to be responsible with our toys. Then one day, we can’t find her anywhere. Not completely unusual. I figured she’d turn up eventually. But this went on for days. I checked all the usual spots. No Minnie Mouse. We had so many tears at bedtime. I prayed for St. Anthony’s help. And again got frustrated that no help was returned. I eventually lost all hope and made a run to Walgreens where this particular Minnie Mouse had come from years ago and got a new one and made up a story of how I found her. Rebecca bought it…at least I thought she did at first. She eventually figured it out but seemed happy to have “Minnie Mouse’s sister” with her. Then one day soon after that, Minnie Mouse appeared. I was sure I had checked the spot I found her before, but there she was. And Rebecca was so happy to see her again. St. Anthony once again came through.

St. Anthony has been a friend to me even when I got frustrated with him (I think he was trying to teach me patience). He stuck by me and helped me when I most needed it.

St. Drogo

St. Drogo is a new friend that I discovered one day last year when Christian was gone and I was taking care of all 4 kids by myself. I survived on coffee and became curious if there was a patron saint of coffee and why I didn’t know about him/her. Then I found St. Drogo. He lived long ago and not much is known about him, but he is said to have been able to bilocate and because of this (bilocating = multitasking) he can be associated with coffee and the wonders it does for us sleep deprived folks to help complete tasks.

Looking further into his life, I discovered that his feast day is April 16, the day before my birthday and also the day that my Grandpa had passed away. My grandpa was an avid coffee drinker. So much so, that he eventually had to switch to half calf due to health problems. All I remember him drinking was coffee and water, and he would always rotate between the two in his Arkansas Razorback cup. So I considered it to be a connection to St. Drogo that his feast day is the same day that my grandpa passed.

Unfortunately not much is known about St. Drogo other than the fact he was a shepherd with a malformation due to an illness. I reached out to a few people to see if anyone had heard of him or had any medals of him. One of the people I reached out to was a woman I knew through my parent’s parish who had recently bought the Christian bookstore close to their house. And believe it or not, she had heard of him. A parish close by a coffee shop she’s associated with has a stain glass window of him! She was able to order a plaque and holy card of him for me, which is now hung up in my kitchen by the coffee machine. For a saint that is not well known, I feel like he was reaching out to me for friendship with all of these “coincidences.” It is definitely a friendship I am not turning down.

St. Christopher

I remember having friends and family and eventually myself asking for St. Christopher’s intercession for safe travels before going on car trips. When I was old enough to drive I’d have either a guardian angel visor clip in my car, or a St. Christopher keychain on my keys (or both). I gave a St. Christopher keychain to my husband one year because he travels a lot for work. He forgot to attach it to his keys right away, and then it got misplaced. I remember finding it one day and hanging on to it. Then one weekend I had a women’s retreat. It started snowing pretty bad and I lived about 30 minutes away from where it was being held. Despite the weather, it was not canceled and I still wanted to try to go, so I stuck the St. Christopher keychain in my coat pocket and headed out. The whole drive I was praying Hail Mary’s over and over again. I made it safely to the retreat center (even a little early) and forgot about the medal in my pocket until I reached in and felt it. St. Christopher had taken care of me that night!

St. Monica

I can’t remember how I discovered St. Monica, but I always found her story to be so inspiring. She never gave up her faith and had so much patience with her family members as she consistently prayed for their conversions. St. Monica is the saint to have for a friend if you know someone who has strayed away from their faith, or who is discovering it for the first time. She is also a great friend to have if you’re mom and need some extra help with patience or leading your kids to God.

For a few years I thought that maybe I chose the wrong confirmation saint and should have chosen St. Monica instead, but I can see now that St. Therese was the right one for me. However, that doesn’t mean that I can’t have a good friendship with St. Monica (and if it was up to me I would have used Monica as a baby name- couldn’t get Christian on board with it. I also really liked Anthony for a boys name, but had the same problem). I have also enjoyed telling other friends about her too.

Mother Teresa

It would be a little strange if Mother Teresa didn’t make the list, considering that her quote, “Do small things with great love” inspired the name of this blog. It might surprise some people when I say that I didn’t always like Mother Teresa. I have a vague memory from my childhood of watching the news when all her letters about her “dark night of the soul” got released to the public. Through my young eyes, I saw that she had not felt God’s presence and I interpreted that as some sort of scandal that during that time she never believed in God. I went for years misunderstanding her actual situation and the significance of what she did. I never understood why so many Catholics liked her and how she became a saint. So what changed?

Mother Teresa got reintroduced into my life at that retreat I attended-the one that St. Christopher helped me make it to safely in the middle of the snowstorm. We were divided up into groups and everyone in my group was on the shorter side. So, when it came time to name our group, we became “small things, great love” after Mother Teresa’s quote. And that’s when this friendship slowly started forming.

After that retreat I started reading more books on my faith, praying the rosary almost daily, and about a year later I started my blog. It was when I had to come up with a name for my blog, I remembered the quote that my group was named after at that retreat, and “Raising Small Things with Great Love” was born. Because I had used her quote, I started reading about her more and realized how amazing it was that despite not feeling God’s presence, she continued to live her faith in the most remarkable way.

Little did I realize that she got introduced to me at the right time in my life. Shortly after I started my blog, I found out I was pregnant with Shiloh. During my pregnancy with her, I became depressed, but found her own story of darkness very relatable. She is a modern day saint (I was alive when she was for a few years!) and though she might not have meant for all her letters about her period of darkness to become published, I feel that it made her so much easier to relate to and also provided a great example of how those who are going through struggles can still keep up a tremendous faith life and relationship with God.

My relationship with Mother Teresa is a quieter one; more of an inspiration. But I believe that the saints have different ways of communicating with us. I feel her presence by reading her quotes. If I’m in the kitchen annoyed at cleaning the dishes, I think of her famous quote, “wash the dishes not because they are dirty, but because you love the person who will use them next.” If I’m frustrated by spending a day being “unproductive” by taking care of the kids I’m reminded of her quote, “If you want to change the world, go home and love your family” or “find your own Calcutta.” I feel like one of her quotes pops into my head the moment I need to hear it. And that is how my friendship works with her so far.

I remember reading one of her quotes (not one of her more famous ones) about how important it is to smile, and at the time I was having a bad day and got annoyed at reading that, wondering how she could expect people to smile when going through really terrible things. But looking back at that moment, she herself was going through some really difficult times but still chose to smile anyways. That shows her strength in character and that is what I aspire to be like. I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve and let them get the best of me at times. She didn’t let her mood affect her kindness towards someone else.

I also really appreciate how she shares that she had “a call within a call.” I feel like as a mom, my vocation is marriage and motherhood. But I can still have another calling within my vocation, and I believe that is writing this blog and sharing what God puts onto my heart. I also try to share her message that she constantly made known to everyone by so many of her quotes- that by focusing on the little daily tasks and completing them for love to one another, we can get to heaven. I remember reading that a lot of people tried to go to Calcutta to help Mother Teresa with serving the poor there. And that’s where the quote “Find your own Calcutta” emerged. We don’t always have to make this big gesture. Sometimes God is calling you to be right where you are at the moment. Maybe it is helping at a local shelter, or maybe it is like me and taking care of your children. As long as you complete these tasks with love, then you are living your life for Christ.

Mary

I can’t write about friendships with the saints without mentioning Mary. She has played such an important part in my life during my motherhood. Once I went on that retreat, I started praying the rosary more and my relationship with her grew. Our Lady of Guadeloupe especially has been a favorite Marian image and remains an important connection to our Jesse who is buried at Our Lady of Guadeloupe Shrine. The rosary has been a lifeline for me, a way to connect to her. Someone shared on Instagram that holding a rosary is like holding Mary’s hand. When I found out I had lost Jesse, I was holding on to the rosary and envisioned passing my baby over to Mary to take care of in heaven. She has been there on my toughest parenting days, and the prayers “Mary be a mother to me now” as well as a version I like to use “Mary be the mother my kids need now” are my go-to’s. I love seeing my kids’ relationship with her grow too.

Other saint friendships made

Each of my kids have a saint that they are named after in one way or another. And each of them have played a unique role in my life in regards to the child that is named after them. Gabriel is named after Archangel Gabriel. His half birthday is on the feast day of the archangels. He also has taken an interest in St. Michal the Archangel, whose feast day is also on his half birthday.

Rebecca is named after Mary (Marie). I already discussed how Mary has impacted my life above. But because of that relationship I formed with her, my kids have started forming their own relationships with her. Rebecca has an Our Lady of Guadeloupe doll she loves, and she and Gabriel enjoy gathering flowers for Mary. Theresa loves to point out her picture on one of my coffee mugs.

I also talked about St. Therese earlier. Theresa is named after St. Therese of Lisieux. She was born on the very last day of October, the same month that St. Therese has a feast day.

Shiloh is named after St. Elizabeth of the Visitation. I love that mystery for many reasons. But it’s significance with Shiloh’s name now that I look back, is that Elizabeth, Mary’s cousin, was blessed with a baby that she wasn’t expecting (Shiloh was a surprise) but also accepted Mary’s help. It takes a lot for me to admit that I need help. But Shiloh’s pregnancy and the PPD I developed from it made me realize that for the sake of my kids, I needed to get some help and sought out therapy as well as medication for my depression. Jesse is a name that Christian and I agreed on right away and is a gender neutral name. I had felt called towards the name Frances, and Christian agreed to it as a middle name. Jesse passed on the 24th of September, and Padre Pio’s (who’s birth name is Francesco) feast day is the 23rd, just one day before.

When we were trying to come up with a name for Elijah, I was reading a book of saints for boys to Gabriel and noticed that St. Benedict’s feast day was July 11, just one day after my due date. Christian didn’t care for the name so we ended up choosing Elijah (which was definitely the right choice- you can read about it on my post about his birth). But St. Benedict still played a role! Elijah was born on his feast day. And you might say, “sure, Michelle, but you were induced with him. How does that mean anything?” Let me tell you. I originally had my induction scheduled for that Friday, July 8th. Unfortunately, I got bumped off the list until Monday. When I was out walking on Friday, I got a call from the hospital asking if I was still planning to come in THAT night for an induction. In my state of shock, I replied, “I thought I got bumped until Monday morning?” and then realized what I just said. The nurse said she’d call me back. I didn’t want to say yes without checking with Christian first because we had our childcare lined up for Monday, but I was kicking myself a little bit for not just saying yes. I was ready to get induced and didn’t want to wait any longer. When the nurse called back, I tried fixing my mistake and said that I could still make Friday evening work, but the damage was done and they said that Monday morning was fine. I thought maybe Elijah would come on his own over the weekend, but as it turns out, St. Benedict really wanted him born on his feast day. I’m excited to see how their relationship develops over the years.

All the kids know and love Mother Teresa due to my relationship with her. Same with Mary! Theresa has developed an attachment to a little baby Jesse doll I had painted after my miscarriage, and will carry it around with her. St. Dymphna also became an important saint during my depression, as she is the patron saint of mental health. I’m sure there are many saints I’m forgetting to mention, but these are the ones that have greatly impacted me.

Don’t be afraid to reach out

I’m sure that there are more saints that have impacted me throughout the years, and that there will be more that continue to form relationships with me. I think one of the things to note is that in several of my stories I mentioned getting frustrated with the saints a few times. And if you find yourself getting frustrated with one of your saint friends, that’s part of being human! It’s part of having a friendship- you’re not always going to see eye to eye. Think of your relationships with your best friends. Aren’t there times when you argue?

I wanted to share my experiences with the saints in the hopes that it will inspire you to form your own friendships with them. Not all will look the same; there are some saints I’m closer to than others. But if you find yourself in a period of time like me, where you are more isolated or don’t have the opportunity to make many friends, consider reaching out to your heavenly ones- you don’t have to go through anything alone. The friendships I have developed throughout the years have helped me out! And they want what’s best for you and will help you grow closer to God.

Do you have a friendship with a particular saint? Or a fun story to share? Comment below or message me to share your story.