This is a term that many women are familiar with, myself included. It can cause stress, anxiety, and also can become controversial depending on the context or when making a decision on how to handle it.
I have three kids ages three and under, and in the fall it will be four under four! It was definitely not my plan to have so many kids so close together. When my husband and I got married we were planning on waiting awhile to have a baby, but soon we changed our minds. Shortly after, we found out we were expecting our first baby. We were so excited!
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| Our pregnancy announcement for Gabriel |
That first pregnancy for me was anything but smooth. The first trimester lived up to its reputation, and I found myself wiped of energy, extra emotional, and very sick with certain smells (including coffee 
) triggering morning sickness.
At my anatomy scan, we found out I had partial placenta previa (this is where the placenta is partially blocking the opening of the cervix), but were told that it usually goes away on its own.
We moved to Georgia shortly after I had my scan, and I started going to the hospital on the military post for my appointments. I was constantly monitored to see if the previa had resolved. Week after week went by without progress, and the doctor started talking to me about getting a c-section. I was very stressed; a c-section for my first baby?! It was definitely not how I envisioned my birth experience, and it made me worried what my future birth experiences would be like. Then one day at my doctor’s appointment, I found out that the placenta had moved! The doctor was really surprised because usually if it hadn’t moved at that point, then it was going to stay there.
I was relieved to hear the news, but my relief was short-lived. The same ultrasound that showed the placenta had moved, also revealed that my baby’s head was measuring small, and we were referred to a specialist.
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| Gabriel as a newborn |
I came home that day and remember feeling defeated. I was scared, and couldn’t even get in contact with my husband to let him know because the course he was in required him to be in the field for a week or two at a time. I called my mom and let her know, and remember sobbing in my room. I just wanted my baby to be healthy.
Luckily, the specialist was not concerned about any major health conditions. I had a few more scares that pregnancy, from contractions around 30 weeks caused by dehydration from a virus I had, and a strong epidural that left me completely numb after my water broke at 38 weeks with Gabriel’s oxygen levels dropping during labor. While that pregnancy was planned, it definitely came with it’s surprises and was a stressful experience.
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| Gabriel and Rebecca- 1 year and 2 weeks apart! |
My next pregnancy was actually unplanned. I was scared when I found out that I was pregnant again so soon after having Gabriel, and it took me awhile to become okay with it. Morning sickness was bad again, and Christian was gone at another training for most of the pregnancy. There was one time I had a little scare, but that pregnancy and labor went so much smoother than the last time!
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| Our pregnancy announcement for Theresa |
My pregnancy with Theresa was sort of planned. Christian and I weren’t trying to have another baby, but were also not opposed to having another one. I ended up pregnant with Theresa. Everything was going well until my anatomy scan, where we found out Theresa’s kidney was dilated. We were told by the doctor that it usually ends up being nothing and not to worry about it. Unfortunately, we found out it was going to be a minor problem that needed to be monitored. I had to see several more doctors during my pregnancy to figure out a health plan for birth and afterwards, and ultimately that resulted in the surgery that she had in May.
On top of her kidney problem, another unplanned circumstance presented itself. I was 37 weeks pregnant, and Theresa was still not in a head down position for birth. My options were to try for an ECV, where the doctor manually tries to flip the baby into position, or I would need a c-section. We tried the ECV, and thankfully, it was successful and labor was smooth!
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| Going home from the hospital after Theresa was born |
My current pregnancy is also unplanned for us. Theresa will be a year (or a little less…can you say Irish twins?) depending on when the baby is born. Again, I was frustrated when we found out, and it took me awhile to become excited about another baby. I also felt guilty about my disappointment with the pregnancy because I know some others who are struggling to have a baby. So far, this pregnancy has been easy- even morning sickness was not as bad! I am hoping everything is normal at the upcoming anatomy scan this month. Please keep me in your prayers next month that everything on the anatomy scan shows a healthy baby!
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| Our pregnancy announcement for baby #4 |
Most people think that the term, “unplanned” when applied towards pregnancy just refers to a surprise or unexpected pregnancy. And for some, like me, that is the case. But I also want to highlight some things that I feel aren’t talked about as much.
Even if you and your significant other are expecting a baby and planned the pregnancy, things can happen that are unexpected during it that can make things stressful, like my pregnancies with Gabriel and Theresa.
Christian and I are so blessed that everything turned out okay and we have three healthy kids. I know not everyone is that lucky. One of the unexpected things that can happen in a pregnancy is the loss of your baby. Many women suffer miscarriages, some early on and others later on in the pregnancy. My mom, sister, and some friends have suffered one if not more, and it’s hard. So many people forget about the life that was after a few weeks, and don’t understand the pain that comes with saying goodbye to a child. No matter how small, every life is valuable and important and will never be forgotten. God creates each and every one of us, as Psalm 139:13 says, “For you formed my inward parts, you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.” Even if some of us have a shorter stay on Earth, we are still loved unconditionally by Him.
Some other unexpected things that can pop up in pregnancy are medical conditions for the mother, such as placenta previa, preeclampsia, gestational diabetes, early labor, or mental health problems like depression. Other unexpected problems can be a lack of a support system, or that a support person is not able to be present for the birth. There can be medical conditions that are found for the baby, such as down syndrome, chronic heart disease, or any other abnormal findings in an anatomy scan. Other problems can be finding out that you’re expecting more than one baby, or finding a doctor that you are comfortable with-it is definitely important to feel comfortable with the doctor that you are seeing! More recently, the unplanned part of pregnancy can be dealing with restrictions and the unknown due to Covid-19.
There are so many other issues that can happen that I haven’t mentioned. The important thing to remember is that while all of these problems are unexpected to us, they are not unexpected to God. Everything that happens is a part of God’s plan.
We may never understand why things happen, but we need to trust that God knows what is best for us, and our children, and that he will always watch over us. He works in mysterious ways; my planned pregnancies were more stressful than the unplanned ones, but all three resulted in healthy babies. Life is such a beautiful gift!
Please keep all pregnant women in your prayers. Pregnancy is a journey filled with the unexpected. While it is a joyful celebration of new life, it may also lead to heartache and for some, suffering.
St. Gerard, patron saint of pregnant women, pray for us.
