A while ago I had posted the following on my social media pages:
“We say the words, “come as you are” and “all are welcome,” but are we providing the resources and support to back them up and truly let everyone come to mass and feel seen? I’m going to be completely honest and say I feel that the church as a whole is lacking in this area. I’ve spoken to others who don’t feel welcome in their parishes whether it is due to the presence of their young kids, or lack of accommodations for special needs individuals. So what can we do to ensure this changes? What would make you feel more welcome at church?”
I had posted this with the intention of having it published on time for All Saints Day, since we all are working towards sainthood. However, that was the beginning of my pregnancy and morning sickness as well as busy family schedules kept me from sharing the answers.
Thank you to all who contributed and shared their testimonies with me!
Responses
I didn’t receive as many responses as I had hoped, but what I did receive was very helpful and eye opening. I am not going to share direct quotes from people just for privacy reasons, but rather summarize what they were sharing and add my own take to each.
- More inclusion for the LGBTQ+ Community– I received a few comments about this! We need to find a way to make everyone feel welcome and wanted at mass without judgement. This doesn’t mean changing our stances or values, but decreasing judgement and welcoming everyone into God’s house.
- Make Church accommodating for families with young kids– Someone shared how at one parish there was not a good area/cry room to retire to when young kids got rowdy or upset in mass, and got stuck in the lobby. Or that the cry room didn’t have working speakers. I have been in churches with cry rooms and those without, and I actually like it better without the pressure of having a cry room. It makes me feel that the church understands kids will be kids and a little noise is ok to have during mass. But I agree that there needs to be a good spot where parents can exit the church if their child is getting too loud where they can still participate in the mass and hear/see what is going on. We can’t say we are a prolife community if we don’t help support families that have children.
- Offer childcare for events– Someone else shared that they ended up leaving a parish that held a welcome gathering for new families but did not allow children to attend and did not provide any sort of childcare. Another person suggested offering certain confession times where childcare would be provided so parents with younger kids could still attend. Sacraments are open to all Catholics, but are we truly making them available for those that need them?
- Making the Church Community feel like a Family- I also received several comments where people feel that the community at their parish is lacking. My parish got 2 new priests last summer that have been emphasizing the importance of establishing a solid church community. They even took time out of the homily to have everyone introduce themselves to someone they didn’t know. We need to actually get to know one another and meet outside of mass! We should be a family.
- Implementing more Sacred Silence- One person said that if there was sacred silence, they would feel welcome knowing that if others could love God that much to be that reverent, then they know they could be loved by them too. While mass with littles may not have many silent periods, I still think it is important to be as respectful during mass as we can to honor our Heavenly Father. It may look different for each family and maybe the most reverent thing we can do is quickly genuflect before getting into the pew or leaving to chase our running toddler, but God knows what is in our heart.
- Offering Small Groups- I also received an encouraging response where someone shared that their church has a school for children with special needs and has some great women’s groups that help to drive the parish! If we can find more ways to unite parishioners together, we will have a better time welcoming others to join too.
My Reason for this Post
As a military family, it is hard moving around and not having a stable routine. We are fortunate that my husband is National Guard, which means we are not going to be moving since he works for the state. But it has taken a long time to get established at our current parish and actually meet people. My family has more of a unique situation with having a lot of young kids close together, and my husband is gone at least one weekend a month. It is very hard to stay after mass and mingle with other parishioners while he is here; it is near impossible to go to mass when he is gone. The people I have actually met at our parish have their own families to take care of during mass. One of our kids also has a more difficult time at mass (possibly special needs) that just adds to all the stress. When our new priests had everyone take time to talk, we were outside of the parish in the open area watching others talk because our kids were done being in the main church. It constantly feels like we are on the outside looking in.
All this to say, this post stemmed from my frustration of not feeling like a part of the community. We do have a wonderful parish and the kids are always made to feel welcome, but we have extenuating circumstances that just make everything more difficult.
Things I’m doing to try to solve the problem: I am a part of a women’s group and attend when I’m able. I am making adoration a priority this year so I still feel like I get that time with Jesus that I crave. Keep showing up, even when it’s hard. Talk to our parish priest to see if there’s more I can do or if he knows of any parishioners that could help us attend mass.
*I again want to add that we do have a great parish we attend, and I have met some wonderful families. But I have noticed it is very difficult in this area to meet other people. I think this is something others are feeling in other parishes as well that the church as a whole can work on.
**I realize that a lot of what a church can offer is based off finances and since they’re private institutions, the money isn’t always there to put in new speakers for a cry room or pay for childcare for events. But I do believe it is something parishes should take the time to problem solve and offer solutions for.
