Happy Tuesday, Everyone! I hope that you all are enjoying these last few days of Advent. We are looking forward to Christmas here- I cannot believe it is just a few days away! If I was super organized I would have published this on the Feast of Our Lady of Guadeloupe, but things have been a little busy here. I wrote this towards the end of my pregnancy, but waited to share it until I had the image drawn out to share.
I will be 39 weeks tomorrow and I have been having a lot of thoughts as I get closer to meeting this little one. I have been reflecting on this pregnancy and trying to picture what life is going to look like with a fourth baby. Going back to the beginning of the year right before I found out I was pregnant (also right before COVID got bad here…seems like a long time ago!), I feel like life was going great. I was really developing my relationship with God, praying a daily rosary, and participating in different Lenten programs. Then I got a surprise and found out baby 4 is on the way, and right after that things started shutting down and the rest of the year unfolded and got more complicated.
I plan to write my pregnancy during COVID story after this baby is born, but I wanted to share a Rosary story that I have that happened right before I found out I was pregnant with her, and some of my reflections I have had as I grow closer to my due date. I wrote the following Rosary story over the summer, and have decided that in honor of Respect Life Month and the month of the Rosary that now is the time to share it.
“At the beginning of this year, I attended a religious retreat for the second time, for a much-needed renewal of my faith. I also started praying the Rosary and participated in the Hail15 program where the purpose is to make oneself more mindful of God in our lives. It was during this program that I had a dream, almost a vision of Mary. I could not see her face, and the image appeared black and white to me. She was wearing a veil with shapes on it, but I remembered seeing stars. Then in one hand, she held a rosary that was acting as an umbilical cord for a baby.
I woke up the next morning trying to make sense of my dream and what Mary was trying to tell me. I immediately began to research which Marian title I had seen in my dream. I remembered the stars, so at first, I thought it could be Stella Marie. But after talking to my sister (she is the only one I told about my dream) she pointed out that it could be Our Lady of Guadeloupe, who is associated with advocating for the unborn.
Earlier this year I had wanted to do some sort of a service project throughout the year and came up with crocheting baby hats for donation. That idea became a little bigger when I realized I wanted to do something for the prolife movement. The idea I had then was to create a prolife project where I would get volunteers to crochet baby hats representing the most recent statistic for the number of abortions performed in a year. It would be a visual representation and would hopefully help others to see how many innocent lives are taken each year. At the end of the project, those baby hats could then be put to good use as donations to places that needed them. It sounded like a great idea at the time, and I would still love to organize this project in the future, but as I would realize later, the timing was not right.
When I first had this dream of Mary, I thought maybe she was trying to tell me to move forward with my plans to help the unborn. Shortly after this dream though, I found out that I was pregnant with my fourth baby, a surprise for my husband and I since we had just had our third last October. Then I started to worry that maybe she was trying to tell me that this baby was going to need a lot of prayers because of a serious medical condition. That is why I have not shared this image of her before now. I wanted to wait until after my anatomy scan or possibly birth of the baby to make sure that everything was ok and to also take a little longer to understand what Mary’s message was for me. I realize now how selfish that sounds as well as not trusting God’s plan and wanting to be in control.
For those of you who have followed my blog, you all know the backstory of my pregnancy with Theresa. I thought I had handled it very well, and that it did not affect me as much, but I think it left me a little traumatized. For those who do not know, my third pregnancy was a little complicated. Everything was going great until my anatomy scan, where the doctors discovered some abnormalities of one of her kidneys and bladder. It turned into a more complicated pregnancy than I had planned, and we had some stressful months of not knowing where I was going to deliver, how serious her health condition was, and whether or not she would need medical attention after birth. After doing my research, getting some answers from the doctors, I was able to relax for the rest of my pregnancy understanding that we will get answers once she is born and there is nothing I can do until then. This was a real blessing for me to just let go and let God; I am normally a worrier. The thing I worried about for the rest of the pregnancy was her position- on top of everything else going on, she was still breech, and at 37 weeks, I ended up needing an ECV, where the doctor manually tries to turn the baby head down. Luckily, this procedure was successful, and I had my daughter on Halloween with no caesarian section required. Theresa has been followed by her doctors and had surgery to correct her minor health condition that ended up becoming a little more complicated than we had planned. But, after everything, she is a healthy (almost) 1 year old! After the stress of everything that happened during that pregnancy, you can probably understand why I felt nervous that something could be wrong this time around. I did have my anatomy scan for this pregnancy, and it showed that we are having a healthy baby girl, no problems detected for the time being. And I know if anything pops up unexpectedly, Mother Mary is on our side and will be praying for us.
As I reflect on that image now, I am drawn to the Rosary acting as an umbilical cord and the power of that message. The umbilical cord provides life. It is the connection made between mother and child that supplies the child with nutrients and oxygen for 9 months. Mary’s umbilical cord provided life to Jesus, and now she extends that offer of life to each of us through the Rosary. She acts an advocate for us to communicate our needs to God and wants to bring us closer to him. She is our mother too, and therefore we also are tied to her umbilical cord; through the Rosary, she gives us graces we need to get to eternal life. A vulnerable baby relies on that connection to his or her mother to not only stay alive but thrive. Mary wants us to come to her with our vulnerabilities and provide help any way that she can. While the umbilical cord may be severed after birth, that connection between a mother and child is always present throughout life. Mary’s connection to us is always there too, but we need to do our part and ask for help when we need it. As soon as we do, Mary will be there to take care of us and advocate our needs to her Son to help us.”
This pregnancy has been a struggle for me to trust God and His plan (more on that in a different post to come), but throughout it I have tried to pray the Rosary every day when I can. About a week ago I was following the live Rosary with @manyhailmarysatatime and we were praying the Joyful Mysteries (my favorite!). At the second mystery, The Visitation, I found myself thinking how lucky Elizabeth was that she got to have Mary the Mother of God for support in person during her last part of pregnancy and postpartum! My family is extremely blessed with friends and family members who are able to help us out, but the unknown for me, especially with COVID this year, gives me anxiety (have I mentioned I need to work on my trust in God’s plan?). I also live far away from my own family, so they are not able to be here when the baby comes.
But then it hit me; by praying the Rosary, I too, have Mary for support during my last bit of pregnancy, labor, and postpartum.
And what a beautiful blessing that is! No matter when the baby comes, what the circumstances are, I’ll always have the support of my heavenly Father and Mother.
As I reflect on this image today, I realize how important the Rosary has been for my struggles with my mental health during my pregnancy and postpartum. Mary is providing me with peace and hope through the Rosary.
I hope you all have a Merry Christmas!
