I had a great weekend with my family. My husband had a four day weekend; he took off on Valentine’s Day and had Monday off for President’s Day. We were able to celebrate Valentine’s Day together on the actual holiday for the first time since we were married (he has always been away at military training the past years). We also were able to clean our house and give away some clothes that have been piling up. It was great to spend so much time together as a family. However, I found myself becoming depressed as the weekend continued on, anxious in anticipation of returning to our weekly routine where my husband would have to go back to work. I find weekends especially difficult when I know the next weekend we will not all be together and it makes the upcoming week seem even more daunting. That is the case for this week- my husband has an upcoming drill and I am not looking forward to spending the weekend alone.
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It was our youngest daughter’s first
Valentine’s Day!
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We all have our demons or our weaknesses. Mine is my anxiety. I have always been a worrier ever since I was little; I can remember being nervous about everything. Growing up I remember getting nervous before tests in school, and this continued throughout college. Occasionally when studying for an exam I would get so worried about not doing well that I couldn’t focus, and could no longer retain any of the information I was trying so desperately to learn. As I grew older I become more of an introvert and would always get nervous if I had to speak in front of people for a school project. I would turn bright red (usually so much so that people would comment on it) and sometimes I would start shaking. Now, I find myself getting nervous about not being in control. I am a planner. I have a routine. I know that it is going to take me a long time to get out the door with the kids, so I make sure to try to get everyone ready and leave by a certain time so I know I will get to my destination. I worry about paying the bills, getting the house clean, or making dinner.
The thing about anxiety is that it can get into our minds and prevent us from completing a task we need to do, or becoming the best version of ourselves. Even today at the gym, I found myself looking up at the board, and probably choosing a lighter set of dumbbells than I could have handled, because I was trying to anticipate the future and make sure I could complete the workout, while still being able to carry my kids out at the end of class. In the middle of the workout my partner and I were looking at the board and saying how we were not looking forward to the last bit of the workout because we were already tired. I was worrying about the next part of the workout, or my strategy for getting my kids out to the car (my older two enjoy running away and making me chase them) instead of focusing on the part of the workout I was supposed to be completing at that moment.
One of the things I am still working on is not letting my anxiety get the best of me. It takes courage to face our fears, and trust in God when we are tempted to do otherwise. One of the prayers I have been trying to say when I feel flustered or overwhelmed is “Jesus, I Trust in You”. It’s short but it reminds me that He is in control, and sometimes, I have to learn that I cannot always be in control of everything. There are going to be days when I am running late, or the house is dirty, or that I just wake up and feel anxious for no good reason. Instead of giving into the temptation of anxiety we need to pray for courage to overcome it, and then once we are done praying, we have to trust God to do His part, and take action to overcome it ourselves.
One way to conquer our fears is to surround ourselves with people who will continually challenge us to be the best versions of ourselves even if that takes us out of our comfort zone. At the gym, our coaches tell us to partner up with someone who is going to challenge us and make us work harder. There is usually a part in the workout where you get so tired that you just want to quit and rest or cheat on the reps. This is where they tell us that our mental attitude needs to stay strong and positive in order to not only complete our workout but to complete it with as much energy as we had when we started it.
When my husband first told me about the gym that we go to now, I was nervous about joining- I was never an athlete growing up, I thought everyone there would be a lot stronger than I was and that I wouldn’t fit in. If I gave in to my anxiety, I would have never joined the gym, and establish the friendships and community that I have now. Everyone there welcomed us and the coaches are continually challenging us to become stronger physically and mentally, whether by telling us to grab a heavier weight, not to drop in the middle of a plank or wall sit, or even reminding us to focus on the task we are completing at that moment, instead of worrying about the next part of the workout. They are not afraid to call us out when we are shorting ourselves.
My faith formation group challenges me spiritually. The first book we read was about dealing with anxiety and during the discussion of the book we also disused our anxieties, and offered guidance on how to approach them. They also help me become more involved in my faith by exposing me to Catholic resources, or stating our opinions on a book we are currently reading (this alone helps me to overcome my shyness). One of things that is so nice about this group is that we are all just women gathered together and can freely talk, so if something is on our minds, we can say it, and know that everyone there will listen. This can help us to deal with whatever is currently causing us anxiety because sometimes, just saying your fear out loud helps to make it seem smaller.
The book we are currently reading is Rediscover the Saints by Matthew Kelly. He talks about a different saint every chapter, the lesson they teach us, and how we can apply that to our lives. I am really enjoying it and definitely recommend it! One of the things he points out in the book is that saints are human too. I thought of this point when I was reading a page in Story of A Soul, the autobiography of St. Therese of Lisieux when she is retelling a memory she has growing up and how much fun Sundays were, but by the end of the day, she found herself sad because she knew that the next day, she would have to return to the regular work week routine. As I shared at the beginning of this post, I definitely can relate to this feeling! However, this also made her think about how she is on Earth, and wanted to be in Heaven. We need to choose to view the positive aspects of life, and if we have a more positive attitude when approaching events that cause us to worry, we will find ourselves a little happier and more willing to persevere through it.
St. Therese of Lisieux’s parents are both recognized saints as well. Her mother, St. Marie-Azeile Guerin Martin has a quote that I find inspiring, “The good Lord does not do things by halves; He always gives us what we need. Let us then carry on bravely.” If we trust in Him and in His plan for us, we will find ourselves to be less anxious and more at peace. Living with anxiety is not always easy, but if we can practice having a positive attitude when approaching something that causes us to get nervous, it is going to help us view our fears in a different light and become more willing to face them.
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| Wearing my “Carry on Bravely” sweatshirt from Brick House in the City. They have lot’s of great Catholic apparel and items! https://www.brickhouseinthecity.com/ |
Looking at this upcoming week and weekend, I know that it is going to have its fair share of stressful moments, but I am going to try to focus on one day at a time, and the positive aspects of the situation instead of the negative parts. And if I fail, I’ll say a prayer, and then try again. It takes courage to keep going when you don’t feel like it, but know that God is there encouraging you to keep walking, and also encouraging you to ask Him for help when you need it. Some people have more severe anxieties than others, and that’s okay. We just have to remember to ask for help when we need it, and if we notice someone else is struggling from anxiety, be willing to help them too.
~Michelle
