This has been a difficult year for us; lots of new changes and busy schedules. I’ve shared on social media that we’ve been staying busy with appointments but haven’t really shared more than that. To be honest, I’ve been processing and struggling with feelings of failure, guilt, and that I wasn’t doing enough for my kids.
But I’ve also been (trying) to grow in humility. By saying yes to help when it’s offered, and realizing that I can’t (and shouldn’t) be doing it all.
But first, let me give more context.
Our Busy Schedule
2023 has been filled with activities, doctor appointments, and sickness. The very beginning of the year we all had a terrible virus that I thought could be Covid, but it turns out we got that the week after Easter (thankfully kids were all fine, adults got the worst of it), just 2 weeks after we all had a stomach bug. It seems like the first half of the year was dedicated to catching colds, fighting them off, then getting sick again. And lots and lots of stomach bugs.
But on top of the viruses, we had usual school routines- Gabriel in full day Kindergarten and Rebecca in a half-day 4 year pre-k 4 days a week. Rebecca had ballet on Monday nights, Theresa had Taekwondo Tuesday/Thursday nights and Gabriel had his faith formation class Wednesday nights, with hockey classes on Saturdays. On top of all that, January is when we decided to get Shiloh and Theresa evaluated for getting help with speech (both qualified) and it was determined Elijah would need a helmet or physical therapy to help with his head shape (turned out he needed both!). We suddenly went from only having extracurriculars to having weeks filled with speech appointments, physical therapy appointments, and regular check ups.
Gabriel and Rebecca were also receiving some extra help at school with social interactions and speech respectively. So, each of our 5 kids needed some assistance in a certain area. That fact alone was very overwhelming for me.
Fighting off feelings of Failure
It’s not easy seeing my kids struggle. With each new appointment added to our schedule, a weight was added onto my shoulders. The intrusive mommy guilt thoughts came pouring in: “Is this my fault? Did I not give them enough attention? Is this because they have too much screen time? I should have held Elijah more. I’m failing.”
I like to listen to podcasts while I run, (my go-to is The Jen Fulwiler show). There was one particular episode that stuck with me where she said she’s no longer going to say the word, “busy” but rather view it as an opportunity. We aren’t busy, but we have opportunities available to us.
I love that idea because it helped me change my mind around the idea of me as a “super busy failing mom” to a mom that is taking opportunities to help her kids when they need it.
It takes strength and lots of humility to ask for help. And even more so as a mom. I know how it feels to think that we should be able to handle everything and do everything for our kids. But sometimes, there are situations where our kids benefit more from talking to another person or seeking help from someone other than us. Or even where our kids benefit from us accepting help and improving our moods because we aren’t as stressed trying to do everything!
Work in Progress
Humility is not an easy virtue to practice. There have been times in the past where I would have benefited from asking for help, but my pride got in the way.
Asking for help doesn’t mean that you are failing.
Your kids needing extra help with speech, motor skills etc. is not your fault and doesn’t mean that you failed them; they might just process things differently. *Kids also develop at their own pace*
If you are finding yourself in a difficult season of motherhood like me, know you’re not alone! We have seen a lot of progress with the girls’ speech, but also are figuring out that they might need just a little more help than we originally thought. Know that my prayers are with you, and we definitely appreciate any prayers sent our way!
