It has been awhile since I have written anything. Spring is always busy for us because we have 3 birthdays, doctor check-ups, Easter, and this year we had family visiting for Easter. All of these events are not the only reason I have been absent on here though.
I have felt like I have not had anything worth sharing. I don’t want to just write something just to say that I posted this week. I also have not been very motivated to write due to returning depression and Jesse’s due date that came up this month. I don’t want to always share negative/grieving posts. So instead I stay silent until something moves my heart and I feel that it is worth sharing.
Another reason I sometimes stay away is because I feel pressure to live up to this blog’s name, “Raising small things with great love.” And a lot of the time I don’t feel that I am successful with being a good mom. I see myself completing the first part, “raising small things” but I don’t always feel that I do a great job at the second part and complete my motherhood duties “with great love.” So I stay silent, not wanting to write anything under this name and feel like a hypocrite for doing so.
Is love only a positive emotion?
One of the things I strive to show on my blog is that motherhood is a blessing and can be joyful. But it isn’t always filled with joyful moments. And I think I have fallen into the trap of wearing rose colored glasses when I think of the term, “love” especially when combined with the word, “great.” Suddenly, it becomes this goal put up on a pedestal that feels almost impossible to reach on the many days where I struggle to feel joy in motherhood, or just life in general.
But the thing about love is that it isn’t just a happy emotion. Love is messy. Jesus completed the greatest act of love that could also arguably be the messiest and bloodiest act of love. A day that was overwhelmingly depressing for Jesus’ followers is the day he performed a great act of love for everyone. God was, in that moment, “raising small things with great love” by sacrificing his son. And it didn’t make His children happy in the moment. It wasn’t something they understood at the time. But it was still love. And now we all look back and thank Him for it and see how He loved us.
Maybe I have been too hard on myself and set an unrealistic expectation. I love my kids. But I have days where they drive me crazy. And days filled with tears and arguing. And days where I am not fully present in the way that they deserve. Some of it is my fault. But does that mean that I don’t love my kids because I make mistakes throughout the day? I am trying my best to raise them up to be good people. I can always find ways to improve. But maybe, right now, doing my best is enough. And it is still with acts of love that I am raising them.
My mission for this blog
Shortly after joining Instagram a few years ago, I saw different posts from different women who wished that someone would have told them more about motherhood from another perspective than what they were told. Some of them wished that more women emphasized the joys that motherhood would bring instead of all the negative aspects of it. Others wished that someone would have told them how hard it can be. I think it’s important to share both! And that is my goal with this website (and a personal goal for me) to be able to share both the joys and, what I like to call, the noise, of motherhood and understand that feeling both joy and stress are normal parts of the journey.
With motherhood comes different seasons of life. Some are more difficult than others. I’m definitely going through a more difficult season in my life right now. Others are more joyful. The difficult seasons aren’t just filled with difficult moments, and the joyful ones aren’t just filled with joyful moments. And it’s ok to feel what you feel and struggle along the way. It’s ok to share your struggles, and it’s definitely ok to share your joy!
I hope that this continues to be a place of comfort and balance for you, no matter what season of life you are currently going through. And I hope that I can continue to provide content that lives up to my mission of why I started writing in the first place.
Thank you for this beautiful post and for your willingness to be vulnerable and real. You’re doing great! You’re amazing! I’m cheering for you and praying for you! (And also raising little people myself š
This is such an honest post that I can totally relate to. Your honesty, humility, and desire to help others is very refreshing – so happy your blogging again š
Thank you for sharing all of this! Motherhood is hard – and I think your openness is a relief to many people! I’m in a season to that is challenging, and I find that just being intentional about little acts of love – some that only take a few minutes – have a great impact on our little ones. I had to share that with you today – because I need to remind myself of this often! Keep sharing when you have the time!